Crazy Day Need A Clone

Ever have one of those days where nothing goes right and everyone treats you like dirt. Yes this was my day. Sometimes the stress of every day causes me the worst chest pains. Wish I could clone myself so maybe I can get all the stuff I need to do in a day done between work and home. So glad next week I am only working 2 days I need those 5 days off to reset. Try to be positive but the ugly truth of it all just eats away all the positive energy I have and make me the Bitch I am. You can always depend in me to be truthful and if you ask me to do something it will get done you don't have to ask me twice unless you ask when I'm doing multiple things if you see me stressed I will try my best to get all my task done and if I screw up I will always take my punishment and admit my wrong.  I will not lie or pass the blame. If more people had the integrity that I have my life would be so much easier and the world would be a better place. But we live in a world if liars fake people and everyone wants something for nothing.  Nobody wants to work for anything they just want it given to them. It's a sad miserable world full of hate and anger and everyone wants to tell you how to do your job raise your kids. Everyone has a right to their opinions but if your opinions and theirs are different shouldn't be conflict or judgement.  We are all individuals with our own hope dreams ideas and we should not feel judged by anyone.  God is the only one who had that right. If you died tomorrow how many regrets would you have?  What would God say to you when you meet. ..off to workout some of this stress and pray for some peace since my mind just doesn't want to shut off sometimes.

Multi Tasking Wife & Mom

Ever feel like if woman didn't multi task nothing would get done. I sometimes am amazed at all I accomplish in a day. Today was perfect example.  Get up 630 am get in shower wake up daughter make her a bagel ans finish getting  ready for work myself.  Start car since its cold out and while car is warming up put dinner in crockpot pot for tonight. Beef stew, I did peel and cut up potatoes night before. Took daughter to school off to work for me 8 hrs later go tanning meet a lady I bought some homemade grave blankets from, go to bank come home eat take daughter to karate come home do dishes.  Workout. Vaccum whole house all room including kitchen.  Get lunches made for tomorrow get my clothes ready for tomorrow.  Decide to dust living room and bedroom. Rekax for a short time...Bed.. Full day...Tomorrow will be the same except no karate so clean bathroom and mop kitchen and wipe down cabinets and wash sheets. Yeppers I try to stay active.  I'm so afraid of back sliding wurh my weight that I don't like to sit and veg on TV..lol My worst critic us myself.  I an so hard on myself and have been so strict with my will power it scares me that I will just slip back into old habits.  Need to get motivated start looking for deals on workout stuff and new pans and recipes so I don't get bored with same foods.  I dont diet because that work Diet messes with my head so I just eat smaller portions and make better meals. I haven't eaten fast food in a ling time and pop is a thing of the past for me. I just want to do this right and maintain my weight once I hit my goal which will be a while.  Hoping to hit 50 lb mark my Thanksgiving.  Then 60 my New Years Eve. Then another 20 by April and then I will be where I should be to be healthy and happy.  Good Thing I can multi task Lol. So how was your day ;)

Self Image

Today was one of those days where my self image was really messed up. I have lost 45 lbs but still when I look in mirror I still see the 200+ lady. I have been working out 5 to 6 days a week. I make way better food choices but when I look in mirror I just wanna cry. I hate what I see. I am really good at masking my feelings about myself but I just wish when my husband tells me I look great and beautiful I could just believe him. Hard day. Work in progress everyday.  Keep moving forward never looking back. Positive attitudes are contagious ♡♡

Weight Loss Journey

So I began my weight loss journey mid May and have managed to lose 40 lbs. I have been stuck for weeks at this same goal. It's so flustering when you know your not eating horrible or skipping exercise nights. Well last week I had a few off nights with no motivation but I eat only 1300 a day. Only drink water and work out for at least 30 minutes 6 days. I have switched up my workouts and tried eating small amounts every 3 or 4 hrs and nothing.  So as I sit here complaining and feeling unmotivated and bloated the guilt already starts if I don't work out I will feel so bad. I guess my will power is fading tonight. Maybe next week a pound or 2 will fall off. I so need this to happen so my mind stops playing these games when I look in the mirror.  Weightloss is hard and exercising is harder. I will stay positive and move forward.....so here I go to workout even though I would like to just sit here on my butt but that's how it all started with the extra pounds. Wish me luck :)

Not the perfect wife or mom

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like you can do nothing right. I have had alot of those days alot lately.  My husband and I work opposite shifts, which makes life so much harder.  I know I get grumpy and take out my frustration on them. I do not mean to but I hold in so much sometimes I just cant take any more and lose it. I am not proud of that or think it is a good thing. I know there is a lot of people like me out there.  Or I think there is. I work 40 hrs a week, take my daughter to karate 3 nights a week and pick her up another night from her youth group.  I also cook dinner every night, then dishes, laundry, try to keep house picked up and try to get a workout in also. I have been working on getting myself back in shape and healthy since Mid May. I have had to make some major changes in my eating and exercise habits.  I have lost 40 lbs and still have another 60 to go. I am doing this the old fashion way eating better and daily exercise. No miracle diet or anything because I have to learn to live my life without quick fixes. We lead by example and I want to be a good example to my daughter as she is 12 and I dont want her to grow up with these weight issues.  I feel I have let my daughter and husband down by getting so unhealthy and overweight.  I quit smoking in February 2013 and boy that was hard. I lost my Dad unexpectedly in 2009, all that stress added up and the weight began to pile on. My step daughter and I have had a rocky relationship the last few years. I am a strong very opinionated woman and I don't sugar coat things, I tell it like it is and I will never betray my family or friends.  This has caused problems for me with family and friends through the years, but how can I change something I don't feel is a flaw. Being strong is mistaken as being a bitxx . Telling the truth is mistaken as being mean. Wouldn't you want the truth rather then someone telling you lies and being fake. Nothing I hate more then liars and fake people.  I battle my own demons daily to remain strong and keep moving forward.  I do not forgive easily or forget  the wrongs done to me. I choose to move forward and not look back. I battle with feelings of being a failure as a wife and mom wondering is that enough or was that good  enough, did I hurt their feelings with my honesty.  Did I tell them I love them enough today or hug them enough. Do they feel protected, loved, safe, secure, wanted, all this runs through my head every day.  I am far from a perfect mom or wife. I swear and yell and can be stubborn and short tempered but I am a work in progress.  I love my family and friends who don't judge me or make me feel like a bad person for just being the strong loud mouth woman I am. I may be flawed, but my heart is pure and the love I give is real......my favorite saying I have found along with... I am not mean I am honest.......

Living with mini me

Ever have one of those days where you think your child is karma giving you a dose of what you were like.

My daughter is 12 going on 20 I swear.  Attitude from I don't know where and you can't tell that girl nothing.  Unfortunately a mini version of myself is not a pretty picture some days. I get so mad and the bad words start and she knows how to push every little button. I swear I wasn't that bad until at least 14.

I keep telling her she is going to roll those eyes one to many times with me. Sorry to all those parents that I may offend but I dont and never have done time outs or lets be friends and talk about this.  Nope not me I am the parent and not your buddy you will listen and respect me regardless of what you think.  Some days every button I have she will push to the point of just telling her to stay in her room before I snap.

As usual I am wrong. According to my daughter I am never right except when talking to others and they may say I was wrong or something and my child will defend and stick up for me.

My daughter will tell you I am a mean mom and I mean business.  But I don't think she would trade me in. Well at least not today.

Time to workout and get off this baby weight after 12 years LOL.