Self Image

Today was one of those days where my self image was really messed up. I have lost 45 lbs but still when I look in mirror I still see the 200+ lady. I have been working out 5 to 6 days a week. I make way better food choices but when I look in mirror I just wanna cry. I hate what I see. I am really good at masking my feelings about myself but I just wish when my husband tells me I look great and beautiful I could just believe him. Hard day. Work in progress everyday.  Keep moving forward never looking back. Positive attitudes are contagious ♡♡

Weight Loss Journey

So I began my weight loss journey mid May and have managed to lose 40 lbs. I have been stuck for weeks at this same goal. It's so flustering when you know your not eating horrible or skipping exercise nights. Well last week I had a few off nights with no motivation but I eat only 1300 a day. Only drink water and work out for at least 30 minutes 6 days. I have switched up my workouts and tried eating small amounts every 3 or 4 hrs and nothing.  So as I sit here complaining and feeling unmotivated and bloated the guilt already starts if I don't work out I will feel so bad. I guess my will power is fading tonight. Maybe next week a pound or 2 will fall off. I so need this to happen so my mind stops playing these games when I look in the mirror.  Weightloss is hard and exercising is harder. I will stay positive and move forward.....so here I go to workout even though I would like to just sit here on my butt but that's how it all started with the extra pounds. Wish me luck :)

Not the perfect wife or mom

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like you can do nothing right. I have had alot of those days alot lately.  My husband and I work opposite shifts, which makes life so much harder.  I know I get grumpy and take out my frustration on them. I do not mean to but I hold in so much sometimes I just cant take any more and lose it. I am not proud of that or think it is a good thing. I know there is a lot of people like me out there.  Or I think there is. I work 40 hrs a week, take my daughter to karate 3 nights a week and pick her up another night from her youth group.  I also cook dinner every night, then dishes, laundry, try to keep house picked up and try to get a workout in also. I have been working on getting myself back in shape and healthy since Mid May. I have had to make some major changes in my eating and exercise habits.  I have lost 40 lbs and still have another 60 to go. I am doing this the old fashion way eating better and daily exercise. No miracle diet or anything because I have to learn to live my life without quick fixes. We lead by example and I want to be a good example to my daughter as she is 12 and I dont want her to grow up with these weight issues.  I feel I have let my daughter and husband down by getting so unhealthy and overweight.  I quit smoking in February 2013 and boy that was hard. I lost my Dad unexpectedly in 2009, all that stress added up and the weight began to pile on. My step daughter and I have had a rocky relationship the last few years. I am a strong very opinionated woman and I don't sugar coat things, I tell it like it is and I will never betray my family or friends.  This has caused problems for me with family and friends through the years, but how can I change something I don't feel is a flaw. Being strong is mistaken as being a bitxx . Telling the truth is mistaken as being mean. Wouldn't you want the truth rather then someone telling you lies and being fake. Nothing I hate more then liars and fake people.  I battle my own demons daily to remain strong and keep moving forward.  I do not forgive easily or forget  the wrongs done to me. I choose to move forward and not look back. I battle with feelings of being a failure as a wife and mom wondering is that enough or was that good  enough, did I hurt their feelings with my honesty.  Did I tell them I love them enough today or hug them enough. Do they feel protected, loved, safe, secure, wanted, all this runs through my head every day.  I am far from a perfect mom or wife. I swear and yell and can be stubborn and short tempered but I am a work in progress.  I love my family and friends who don't judge me or make me feel like a bad person for just being the strong loud mouth woman I am. I may be flawed, but my heart is pure and the love I give is real......my favorite saying I have found along with... I am not mean I am honest.......

Living with mini me

Ever have one of those days where you think your child is karma giving you a dose of what you were like.

My daughter is 12 going on 20 I swear.  Attitude from I don't know where and you can't tell that girl nothing.  Unfortunately a mini version of myself is not a pretty picture some days. I get so mad and the bad words start and she knows how to push every little button. I swear I wasn't that bad until at least 14.

I keep telling her she is going to roll those eyes one to many times with me. Sorry to all those parents that I may offend but I dont and never have done time outs or lets be friends and talk about this.  Nope not me I am the parent and not your buddy you will listen and respect me regardless of what you think.  Some days every button I have she will push to the point of just telling her to stay in her room before I snap.

As usual I am wrong. According to my daughter I am never right except when talking to others and they may say I was wrong or something and my child will defend and stick up for me.

My daughter will tell you I am a mean mom and I mean business.  But I don't think she would trade me in. Well at least not today.

Time to workout and get off this baby weight after 12 years LOL.